‘I wish I was stronger, please forgive me’

In what was presumably intended to be private communication, the recently deceased rapper Riky Rick left messages to each of his family members apologizing and begging not to blame himself for the pain he was in.

The existence of the letter and its contents became widely known after a source close to the late rapper shared the contents of these notes with publication Sunday World who published the letter Sunday as their lead.

In it, Riky would have addressed his wife Bianca and two children Jordan and Maik.

To Bianca:

“Dear Bianca, this pain is too much. I don’t want you blaming yourself that my life is unbearable. This was the most beautiful period of my life. You gave me more love than I deserved. Please don’t blame yourself. Live your life. Don’t hide the light you gave me every day.

The pain I feel is too much to handle. The voices in my head never left. I wish I was stronger, but I’m not. Please forgive me. I love you so much. Be happy. Smile. Everything is fine now.”

To Mike:

“Maik said recently that he wants to be just like me. Not better in the sense of futile achievement, but better in choosing the right path for his heart. Follow your passions, my son. Your world is bigger than anything you could ever imagine. I love you.”

To Jordan:

“Jordan, the best thing that ever happened in my life. You taught me so much about myself. Thank you for being so good to me. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me. I love you. Sorry.”

“Keep each other close. Love one another. Please don’t blame yourself. I can’t handle the pain. I love you. †

Riky Rick died on Wednesday and is said to have committed suicide. Police have opened an investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death, as they often do in the case of a death, but police would not comment on the existence of a note.

ALSO READ: Rick Riky’s Wife: Who Is Bianca Naidoo?

The rapper’s friends took to social media hours after his death to discuss suicide, mental health and their own struggles with both.

This sparked a wider conversation about the mental health crisis, especially among men.

There have also been a number of conversations where people have shared their ideas about the best way to honor Riky’s family and prop them up in love as they wade through their grief.

The funeral of the late rapper will take place in a private ceremony in Johannesburg on Tuesday, March 1, from 10am.

“The family has planned an intimate gathering for his farewell. The service will be streamed live,” his family said in a statement.

Thereafter, a special tribute will take place on March 4, which is expected to be attended by close friends, family and selected media.

The tribute will also be streamed live from 10am.

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